17 year old me never saw this coming

Does anyone remember American Pie? I do, it was witty, sharp, poignant, and I was 17. It was Porky's for a new generation and just like that movie American Pie hit all the rights notes my one track 17 year old mind was listening for. Not to mention that Tara Reid was amazing, she was smoking hot with that great raspy voice to top it off. I know she has been going down hill for some time and this doesn't come as a surpirse to me, but I saw this picture on the internet today and it make me stop and ask, "What the HELL happened to her?" (Is it pronounced Tar-ruh or Tear-ruh, oh who gives a shit this bitch is fugly now)

Just as a reminder this is what she used to look like when I was 17:



Honestly, after both American Pie movies I saw in high school and Van Wilder when I was in college, I thought this girl had a 15 year career on looks alone. Who cares about acting, that hasn't mattered in Hollywood in at least 20 years. But, the last movie she has done that didn't go straight to DVD was Van Wilder, (Her IMDB.com pic is from American Pie 2 look) because look at her. This girl doesn't even have what it takes to work at the Hip Hugger in Kokomo, Indiana anymore. I would rather fuck an apple pie with shards of glass in it, than hold this fug bitches hand for one second on the streets of Chicago. Sorry Tara, I guess we'll always have those great 95 minutes back in the summer of 1999, good luck now that you sunk the career of a plastic surgeon, talent manager, agent, and your own.

I throw the ball, you catch it. It's not that hard.

I promise you the next time ESPN says something intelligent about Colts football, it is going to be the first time. In their annual Fantasy Football preview, they listed Peyton Manning as the 3rd rated QB and also categorized him as a, get this, Injury Risk. Huh?

Let's take a look at the facts and they are indisputable:

1. Peyton has played in the NFL for 11 Seasons
2. In those 11 Seasons he has started all 176 games, that is the most consecutive games started to open a career by a quarterback in the history of the NFL
3. For his career he has taken 10,691 of a possible 11,067 snaps behind center. That is rate of 96.6%.
4. Finally, during his tenure in the NFL he has won 3 MVP (2003, 2004, and 2008), appeared in 9 Pro Bowls, named to 4 1st Team All Pro, and won the Super Bowl in 2006 while winning Super Bowl MVP.

The man has never missed a snap due to injury, let alone a game, so yeah injury risk is a completely plausible title to throw around Peyton's neck. It would be like saying Bill Gates lacks innovation or Barrack Obama has zero ambition. Here is an accurate statement if you don't know what one looks like: ESPN's Fantasy Football preview editor knows jack and shit about Colts Football.

Stay Classy St. Louis. . .

Calling all Cardinals Fans

Last night a friend of mine told a good story about a family of he saw pulled over on the side of the highway somewhere in Michigan, it amounted to Ma and Pa trying to fix the car while their two kids where wrestling in the grass on the side of the road. The funny part was their description, jean shorts, mullets, wife beater tank tops, and a couple trucker hats, to which I made the comment, "Sounds like a few St. Louis Cardinal fans got stranded in Michigan." The comment received more laughs than the story but also the ire of a couple members of our group, but it made me want to take a moment to appreciate the hardworking blue collar Americans that are St. Louis Cardinal fans.

Several times a year I witness these fans up close when they descend on Chicago Wrigleyville for a weekend Cubs v Cardinal series. Here is the mandatory Cardinal fan uniform 1. Jorts (jean shorts) preferably cutoffs 2. Cardinals T-shirt jersey (this is not mandatory evidenced by the picture above) 3. Mullet 4. Sandals with or without white tube socks 5. and the coup de grace trucker hats typically camo or blaze orange. So raise your Busch Lights in the air Cardinal fans this posts for you and Stay Classy.

He cut the collar off his T-shirt. I should try that sometime.

Fulfilling stereotypes looks like hardwork

Future Rhodes Scholar

Do you all wanna know the horrible truth . . . or Do you wanna see me hit some Dingers?

Home Run Derby in St. Louis. I find it amusing that the Cardinals still have a Big Mac Land in the upper deck down the left field line. Pujols just went Chief Nocka Homa to that exact spot. So that makes this post inappropriate, undeserved, and in bad taste, I like the tone I'm setting, it works for me.